i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
