PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I only lived at night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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