I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
