I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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