He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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