Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
