my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
