Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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