A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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