I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
