apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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