I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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