Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
