I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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