and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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