I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
