What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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