i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Enjoy the penises
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
