The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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