just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
