I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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