Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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