someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
