can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
