I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
