he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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