Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
