I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
