I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
