I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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