I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
