You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
