we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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