dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize