omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
