please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
