mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
