I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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