those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
