I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
