Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
