I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
