In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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