theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
