I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
