You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
