so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
