If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
