apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize