No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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