Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
