And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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