im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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