Please, let me fuck your mom
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
