I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is my gift to your gina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
