i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
