I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This house was built for laser tag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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