Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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