great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
