I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
