I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
