TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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