i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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