the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize