Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
