So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
