Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have tasted many bathrooms
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
